I figured I would update on here. I have been ignoring this journal.... I actually ignore most of my journals, sadly...

But since I don't actually have any followers I can post want I want.

I am tired of feeling upset that people don't want me in my life. I made a decision earlier this week to take some people out of my phone. Yet, I end up still adding them.

I constantly keep checking for one person online... I am not sure if I will see him online for awhile. I keep wondering what I did wrong. Why would he act like he wanted to start a friendship if that is what he wants to do... I want to both tell him to fuck off, and also to give him another chance.

It makes me feel even more lonely though... Sadly, there are other people I can try to contact if I wanted someone not to answer me. And the people I want to ask advice from I can't... then I feel bad because I am having to go to other people for advice.

I am afraid if I actually do meet him at work. I will end up bursting into tears... more because I hate myself for letting someone else break my heart again... I keep feeling that I am going to be lonely my whole life. I was trying to get rid of my other crush, then this guy started to talk to me

I didn't even know him that long, yet I feel incredibly rejected. I am sure it may not be so bad if it didn't seem that a lot of people I thought were important in my life seem to have time for others, but not me... me texts, comments, etc go unanswered but they easily answer other people's stuff...

I feel like finding a cave, and just curling into a ball, and hoping the world just passes me by.

I am tired of being a ghost in people's lives though, leaving brief wisp in someone's lives. I want to be a vampire, asserting my authority and my power... but maybe I don't really have any power...